


Burn Your Biographies, Rewrite Your Histories

by orphan_account



Category: Batgirl (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics), Nightwing (Comics), Red Robin (Comics)
Genre: Bruce Wayne is a Good Parent, Bruce listens to dad rock, F/M, Gen, Stephanie Brown is Batgirl, This isn't a songfic but it references songs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-20
Updated: 2019-12-20
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:40:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21868405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Damian wasn't really raised with music. Nothing past Gregorian chants. So whenever he hears whatever anyone is listening to, he's always curious.( Or Four times Damian catches one of his family members listening to music.)
Relationships: Bruce Wayne & Damian Wayne, Jason Todd & Damian Wayne, Mentioned Selina Kyle/Bruce Wayne, Stephanie Brown & Tim Drake & Damian Wayne, Stephanie Brown/Tim Drake, mentioned Dick Grayson/Koriand'r
Comments: 2
Kudos: 109





	Burn Your Biographies, Rewrite Your Histories

Summers in Gotham meant many things to Damian, it meant it was hotter out, so that people tended to commit more crimes. it meant that days were longer so patrols were shorter. It meant that he got a break from his school work. but most importantly, it meant that he got to stay out longer on patrol. There was no need for him to be sent home because he had lessons in the morning or something. It was the best.

The worst part, however, was the fact that Alfred went on his yearly vacation during this time period. just a week, every year. He would go to visit his daughter, visit friends who were back home in England, or maybe someone in another part of the world. The man had had so many extensive travels, it was almost expected that he had friends all over the world. and as such, he was allowed to go on vacation, and enjoy himself.

It also meant, however, that those who lived in the manor were often left to fend for themselves when it came to things around the house. Now, he and his father weren't completely useless in certain things, but others like Drake and Cain? They were absolutely useless in nearly every aspect (Except for laundry. Cain was disturbingly good at doing the laundry). 

One category eluded all four of them, though.

None of them could cook to save their lives.

( " _ Cooking wasn't something that I needed to learn, I always had others cook for me _ ." Damian scoffed at the suggestion, made by Drake naturally, that he should know how to cook since he learned  _ everything _ when he was with the league of assassins. 

" _ And what's your excuse, huh Drake _ ?" Damian may have been shorter, but he was looking down at the other. At least mentally.

" _ The same as Bruce's. _ " Drake paused, a smug look on his face, " _ Billionaire. philanthropist. playboy. _ " Sure, he wasn't actually all of those things, but it didn't mean that he couldn't repeat the line from Iron Man.

Drake had been so smug that he barely dodged the batarang that was thrown at his head )

Cain was a disaster in the kitchen. Alfred absolutely wouldn't allow her in there under any circumstances, so they had to rely on take out, or in some cases father. On the very rare occasion that Todd would show up in the manor, he would whip up something and they would all wolf it down like they had never eaten a freshly cooked meal in their lives. Grayson called them pathetic.

( It stung a little bit, but that's fine. Grayson was a "in love" with an orange skinned alien who barely wore any clothes. He was a fool.)

So when Damian descended down the stairs that morning, to see his father in the kitchen, music playing from the speakers. It was a peculiar sight, really, his father looked relaxed as he tried to make breakfast for the residents of the manor. sure, the bacon was starting to overcook and son, if Bruce was going to keep singing like an idiot, then soon the alarm was going to go off.

Maybe Damian wouldn't tell him. So for now, he quietly entered the kitchen, leaning against the door way as he watched him move about the kitchen. singing along with the song.

( Date night must've gone well, and father was turning into just as big of a fool as Grayson over a "reformed" thief. Pathetic. )

"Might as well jump, go ahead and jump, jump." Bruce sung along with the song, and there was a slight smile on his face. It was a rare sight for damian, to see something like this, his father smiling, and cooking. Like he was a father on one of those dumb shows that grayson made him watch so often.

( Whenever he watched them. The normal family lives that, damian felt a weird sense of longing. But he always brushed it off as the super buttery popcorn making him feel sick. )

"The bacon's burning." Damian finally spoke, but his father didn't seem remotely surprised by his presence. Of course he had noticed him standing in the doorway. Even with the music, and the singing and the --

"The bacon, father." Damian repeated once more, gesturing to the stove.

Oh that  _ did _ catch his father off guard, as if he wasn't aware that bacon burned, and he quickly moved the skillet off the stove, placing it to the side, while maintaining his cool demeanor.

"You're in a good mood." Damian commented as he moved to the  _ Kureig _ , preparing a cup of coffee solely for himself. The breakfast that his father was making was, no doubt, going to be barely edible, but they needed to eat something.

"Sometimes, there's nothing wrong with that. you should try it." Wow, when had father gotten so sassy? Damian simply gave a humph as he watched him begin to load toast into the toaster oven. There were too many pieces of toast on it, and Damian knew that it would take too long to brown, but father didn't know that. So it would be somewhat amusing to do that.

"So you're saying I should fornicate with criminals wearing latex? I'll see if someone has an open spot on their calling card." His tone was dry and he wanted coffee. The stupid thng worked too slow.

( Alfred had purchased it, in order to try and limit Tim's coffee intake, and so far it had helped a bit. )

"I'm surprised you have a calling card to begin with." Really, last night with Kyle must've been too good.

Gross.

"What are you listening to?" Damian asked, his eyes trained on the coffee maker, still wanting it to go faster. The song had changed from that jump song to whatever this song, with too much piano and too much guitar.

Damian was not a fan.

"This? It's Springsteen. The boss." Father seemed surprised that Damian didn't know what Bruce Springsteen sounded like. Then again, maybe it wasn't that much of a surprise.

( If Talia or Ra's allowed Damian to listen to music in the first place, Bruce would be surprised if it were anything other than chanting. )

"The boss of what?" Damian raised an eyebrow in slight distrust at the idea of someone being  _ the boss _ .

"It's just a nickname." Bruce didn't seem at all exasperated as he placed a plate in front of Damian. 

Extra crispy bacon, undercooked scrambled eggs, and toast that might as well still have been bread. Damian tried to hold back a grimace as he looked at the pathetic plate.

"I'm a vegetarian." He mumbled, as he pushed the bacon off to the side. Soon Titus would be in here, and Damian could feed him the burned meat, he took one bite of the eggs and then wrinkled his nose.

"I'll make the protein shakes." Bruce seemed to have the same expression as he pushed back from the table.

"Do you think the boss can make eggs? since he's the boss and everything."

***

" _ I got 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 Ms in my bank account _ ." Todd's voice came through Damian's communicator and Damian couldn't help but roll his eyes.

"You don't have a bank account, Todd." Damian made a face. it was true. Todd was still, technically, dead. And Damian was sure that if he wasn't still listed as dead in most places, he would be one of those people who kept all of their money in their mattress or something.

( Really, if Brown was "brought back from the dead", then there was no reason for Oracle to not do the same for Todd.

Then again, Todd seemed to enjoy carrying around various credit cards in other people's names. and asking Bruce if he was going to get arrested for credit card fraud. So far, the answer was no. )

" _ Aww, don't be a party pooper, you don't know 21 Savage _ ?" The sound in Todd's voice was almost mocking. like he knew that damian didn't know who that was.

and he was right.

"Why would I associate with someone who calls themselves a  _ savage _ ? I already know so many people who are a savage in every way, but their name." Damian jumped from where he was perched on the railing of someone's fire escape, interrupting a mugging. "Especially, when those people are you and Red Robin."

" _ Ooh, burn." _ On the other end, Todd seemed preoccupied. Liike he had found someone else committing a crime.

It was pointless for father to send Todd and himself on patrol together. They worked better together when there were actual cases. When it was just them on patrol, things were boring, and it was usually the quietest nights.

( He had heard father once say that it was a test in self control, to send them out together. Both were too brash, too wild, too quick to punish first and ask questions later.

He said slow nights worked best for them. )

" _ Rendezvous in fifteen. GCPD rooftop. we can call it a night. _ " Typical. Todd was ending patrol slightly early.

Then again, it was dead quiet in the streets and none of the big baddies had anything planned, it seemed. When Damian arrived on the roof top, he encountered Todd standing there, a cigarette between his lips. His helmet placed to the side. There was still a domino stuck to his face.

( Todd said it was for dramatic effect, but really Damian was sure it was because Todd was on a level of paranoid that was growing slowly into the direction of Bruce paranoid. or Maybe the question paranoid.

It would be fun to see him have a Question-esque meltdown, but Damian would keep that to himself for now. )

"Here, I got you something." Todd fished into his pocket and tossed damian a cellphone. Damian immediately blanched, because how on earth could Todd think that taking a phone with him on patrol was a good idea.

"Calm down, it's mostly empty, just music on there." It was as if Todd knew what was going through damian's mind, and damian rolled his eyes at the offer.

"I don't want to listen to music by a  _ savage _ , Todd. I'm not interested in music to begin with. It's a distraction." He wanted to throw the phone on the ground, but for some reason he was still holding it in his phone.

"You can sync it with your comms, you'll be able to listen to it while you're patrolling. I think only you and Batman are the only ones who don't listen to  _ anything _ on a slow night." The sound in his voice almost made it seem like he was mocking him, and Damian wanted to lash out. 

But he didn't. Because he had grown, and he knew that you couldn't just lash out at people because you "assumed" they were mocking you.

( Even if that person is Drake. or Brown. )

"It would only cause as a distraction to listen to music during patrol. Makes sense why yours are always such disasters." It wasn't necessarily true, but Damian couldn't save himself to insult him either way.

"Just listen. Enjoy, kiddo." And with that, Todd was bounding off to another building, getting the hell away from Damian, because he knew if they stayed out any later, Bruce would be coming for them and that wasn't something he felt like dealing with tonight.

Damian gave a small 'tt' as he watched Jason run off. He was so useless sometimes. Glancing down at the phone in his hand, he considered smashing it once more, but instead unlocked the phone. There wasn't even a passcode on it. God, Todd had no sense of self-preservation or anything. Pulling the music app open (or what he assumed was music, the icon was just a song note and it was the only thing on there.)

There was a song still playing, or well it was almost over at elast. Syncing it with his comms, Damian got the last two bars of the song before it faded it.

"… _ The streets raised me, I'm a whoole bastard… _ " Another 'tt' left Damian's mouth as he began his way home, deciding to begin the song all over again. Typical Todd.

***

The training room down in the cave was the only place Damian had been allowed to go the past few days. He had been in trouble, on  _ punishment _ , like he was some kind of common teenager who deserved to be on punishment! The worst part of it all, was that it wasn't his fault that he was in trouble, it was Jon's fault, and Damian hadn't intended to get in a fight at school. Nor did he intent to break that kid's hand. Or his wrist.

Really, Damian hadn't intended to break the kid's arm either, but things had just escalated. So not only was he  _ suspended _ from school (not that he minded anyway, he was smarter than the rest of the students there), but he was also benched from patrol. Unbelievable. Inconceivable.

Or maybe not inconceivable, since even Pennyworth seemed displeased with him and hadn't prepared Damian's tea and cookies for the past two days. Fine. Whatever.

With being stuck at the manor for the past two days, and throwing a tantrum as well (though, Damian would say that it wasn't a tantrum), he finally decided to get himself together to at least get himself downstairs to the cave and allow himself to train. It was something to do.

( He had assignments that he was supposed to complete from school, but it was a waste, and Damian wasn't going to do them right now. Not when he was going to be able to finish them quickly. )

" _ I been dancing on top of cars, and stumbling out of bars, I follow you through the dark can't get enough _ ." The music, disgustingly cheesy and upbeat, was coursing through the training room, which meant that Damian wouldn't be alone. It was the middle of the damn day, who could  _ actually _ be there to begin with.

The song choice meant that it could be a variety of people. Grayson, for starters, was the type who liked stuff like this. Then, the other choice, the far worse choice were Drake and Brown. And as Damian turned the corner, he was unfortunately met with his worse nightmare.

Not only was it Drake and Brown, but they were -- actually, Damian wasn't sure what he was looking at. Brown, was laying on the floor in a sit up position, in front of Drake while he used the TRX machine, doing suspended push ups. The angle he was leaning at was impressive, he might as well have been doing a regular push up. Each time he went down, he would go low enough, low enough to kiss Brown. And each time, Brown would do a complete sit up (her form was slightly messy, Drake should've been correcting her), she would kiss him.

It was absolutely,  _ disgusting _ , to see them, like this. Activities that were far more reminiscent of Grayson and his other-worldly consort than Drake and Brown. The two of them always kept their actions behind closed doors. Or at least, Drake did. Brown didn't seem to really care, something about Drake being the love of her life and so she was allowed to do whatever she wanted, even if it meant being disgusting public displays of affection.

Drake, at least, tried to keep it behind closed doors. Saying that things like kissing in public or something like that. The most he would do is hold hands, in public.

( And let Stephanie rest her head in his lap during the monthly movie nights, but he didn't think anyone ever noticed. Everyone noticed.

And no one seemed to mind, it anyway. )

Damian watched the continued actions of the couple for a moment, before it dawned on him (albeit too slowly), that this was a private moment between the two. Drake was openly showing affection with Brown, no, kissing her, and they had  _ technically _ been behind closed doors. Almost immediately, Damian cleared his throat, alerting them that he was there, and ignored the burning at the tips of his ears. 

"Woah! Dami, hey!" Stephanie, almost immediately, rolled away from Tim, who had been leaning in for another kiss, to press his lips against hers. In an almost, foolish, attempt to act casual, she began doing  _ push-ups _ , as if that was somehow going to make the situation better. And totally not give away what Damian had already seen.

Tim, on the other hand, said nothing, no doubt embarrassed that he had been caught too.

( Maybe it was something about being the CEO of Wayne Enterprises that made you have the emotional capacity of a wet sponge. Or at least, pretend to have emotional capacity of a wet sponge. )

"Shouldn't you be at school?" Stephanie stopped her push-ups (she had only done one, anyway) and acted like she was winded. She sat on the floor, pulling her knees to her chest as she looked at Damian.

"Doesn't the same go for you?" He had already recovered from his embarrassment and didn't miss a beat. He was not going to mention his suspension. That was the elephant in the room that he didn't want to address.

"He's suspended from school." Tim answered before Stephanie could say anything else. He had already straightened up, dropped the straps from the TRX machine and began to make his way over to the phone that was causing music to course through the speakers. The cheesy pop song had been replaced with something slower, something a bit less upbeat.

" _ Needless to say, I keep her in check _ ." Brown didn't seem to protest the song change, instead humming along with the first few words.

"Hey, now not only are you a member of the Dead Robins, you're now part of Suspended Robins too." Stephanie made finger guns as she looked at Damian, "Granted, it's the exact same people but hey! We have fun."

"I'll make sure to RSVP to the next meeting." Damian rolled his eyes as he moved to one of the mats in the room, he was going to get his own work out in, like he intended. 

"Nope." Drake, moved to stand in front of Damian, blocking him from making it any farther into the training room.

"Nope? What do you mean 'nope'? This is my house, making this my training room. I am allowed to share it while you and Brown are in here. In fact, I have the authority to kick the two of you out." Damian's feathers were clearly ruffled at the idea of being kicked out of the training room. Really, who the hell did Drake think he was.

"Nope as in Steph and I are here and are having a private training session." Despite his stern face, Damian couldn't help but notice the tips of Drake's ears, a slight red.

A  _ private _ training session. Disgusting. They were now worse than father and Kyle, but somehow still better than Grayson and his alien bride. Fine, Damian didn't want to be here while they did their "private" training anyway. Like two, like two, disgusting people or something.

( Really, Damian hated thinking about any of his "family" members being intimate for any reason. )

"Just be careful, fatgirl over there has been known to be fertile." And before either of them could properly react to Damian's comment, he was out of the room.

***

" _ Had to have high high hopes for the -- _ " The song didn't even get a chance actually start, because a birdarang stuck itself in Dick's ipod. Turning from his ipod to the other four in the room, no one seemed to claim who had done it.

"You have the musical taste of a high school guidance counselor." Stephanie finally spoke up, and everyone, even Damian, seemed to be in agreement with the statement.

"Fine, well, we can eat dinner in silence!" Dick seemed minorly offended, but surely this wasn't the first time he had heard someone say that. Though, as food was being served, Dick was humming a song. That same damn song.

And unfortunately, Damian was discouraged from hitting Grayson with a birdarang. 

**Author's Note:**

> this was purely self indulgent. songs mentioned are as follows:  
> Van Halen - Jump  
> Bruce Spring - Dancing in the Dark  
> 21 Savage - Bank Account  
> Jonas Brothers - Sucker  
> Post Malone (feat. Swae Lee) - Sunflower  
> Panic! At The Disco - High Hopes


End file.
